Alaysia- Assignment 1

I am of African decent but also a small percentage of Cherokee. I would identify myself as "just me." I don't feel the need to categorize myself as black black girl or black white girl...etc. But others felt the need to. I remember growing up in a neighborhood where the majority of the neighbors were black, and then I would go to a surburban school where majority of the students where white. My mom placed me in the urban suburban so I could get a better education. So when I was around the white kids, they all saw me as "black" but when I went home to my neighborhood, all the kids said I spoke like a white person. I grew up with parents who felt the need to prove themselves to the "white man," meaning the white people. My family members would always comment on how there weren't enough black people or not enough black people in commercials, so I've been aware of the issues with ethnicity and race all my life.

As I grew up, I've always ha d a competitive attitude towards things. Not specifically in race, even though it applies, but in everything else. I did and still do feel the need to "represent" and prove something, so I always strive to be better than everyone else. I didn't necessarily agree or disagree. I just took whatever words that my parents spoke of and applied it to me, and twisted it in a way to make it my own so that it would work for me. My views on race have definitely changed over time. I won't lie and say that sometimes I don't look at the world as black and white, because I do. The only reason for this is because old habits die hard, especially when you hear the same stuff every.

When I was younger, I always thought that if you were white, you were better. Life would be easier and better and you have more opportunities. I had so many dreams about being this that and the other but when it came down to it, a white girl was need for the part. Then m sister told me how she was Lucy in Charlie Brown and that made me think that if she could do that then I could play any part I wanted to. Then I met my God parents through church who happened to be white. They proved me wrong and changed my view about white people. But even after being enlightened by my family, every once in a while I'll walk into a restaurant or store and all eyes would be on me as if I have eight heads. Eyes so bright as if it's their first time seeing snow. After all the steps I've taking forward, those looks brought me five steps back. It's as if they've never seen a black person up so close. I have so many friends who have told me they were made fun of because of the color of their skin. Even my parents, since they grew up in times where being prejudice was just an everyday thing. They've told me that white people would say things like "you're dirty, your skin is like dirt....etc."

But on that note, race is always going to play in factors of life. Even if we don't mean for it to or notice. I'm going to keep working on myself so that it doesn't bother me. Easier said than done right?