Reasons Why America is NOT "The Big Dog."

America is NOT the "big dog." Allow me to preface this list by saying that I love this country deeply, but I really hate the idea that "we're the best." We aren't.

Reasons why we kinda suck:
1) The Christian Right
2) The Regular Right
3) The Tea Party
4) Sarah Palin
5) Starbucks...everywhere.
6) Obesity (I'm one to talk, but still)
7) Supersizing
8) Corporations
9) Mortgage Foreclosures
10) Liberty University
11) The first amendment
12) The second amendment
13) All the deaths because of #s 11 and 12.
14) "Spiedi"
15) Ryan Seacrest
16) The fact that more people voted for American idol than for PRESIDENT.
17) Outsourcing
18) The show "Outsourced"
19) Madonna
20) Rap Music made by people like Vanilla Ice
21) Vanilla Ice
22) The South
23) Over-representation of rural, toothless podunks.
24) Our obsession with porn
25) People who don't like porn
26) Our lack of gay marriage
27) Our lack of health care
28) Our overabundance of unwinable wars
29) Larry the Cable Guy is the top earning comic of 2010
30) The fact that no more Kennedys are in government
31) We invaded an Island to control it only to lose control of it (Cuba)
32) Vietnam
33) Hippies
34) Fake tanning
35) The Jersey Shore
36) Hemp stuff...just any of it
37) Really, really cheap beer
38) We didn't kill the guy who thought "New Coke" was brilliant
39) McDonald's Happy Meals
40) Health insurance that pays for Viagra but not glasses
41) BOB DOLE endorses Viagra
42) BOB DOLE'S wife is still pissed off...how?
43) Tiger Woods gets more news coverage than dead soldiers
44) Live soldiers get no news coverage
45) The Westboro Baptist Church
46) The history of violence and destruction
47) The Trail of Tears
48) Everything the South currently stands for...
49) Everything the South used to stand for
50) Last but not least...Mel Gibson

Canada, eh?

Yes....Canada. Their national health care, their clean air, their scenic beauty that has yet to be ravaged by the tyranny of big oil companies, their law that makes Fox News illegal, their laws against hate speech, their gun control, their subsequent lack of gun deaths, their Tim Horton's, their utilization of old English spelling (i.e. honour.), their full-flavored beer, their calmer drivers, their delicious and highly alcoholic concoction that is the sweet nectar of "ice wine," their lack of litter, their mounties, their Queen!, their mild climate, their Niagara Falls being so much better than ours, their wildlife, their glaciers, their Labbatt Blue Light commercials, their national sport, their Michael J. Fox, their maple syrup, their Toronto-based band RUSH!!, their ability to allow us to watch Drake get shot and spend time in a wheelchair, their mounties, their bacon, their fishing, their crystal clear lakes/rivers/streams, their wild salmon, their banishment of Fred Phelps, and last but not least...plaid flannel.

After all of these wonderful things, I think we can forgive Justin Bieber.